Surrender To Soar
Why can’t I just be content with going to work and being a Mum?
In amongst tears on a Skype call with a friend, this is what I found myself asking her last night. The truth is, I have had a pretty so-so week. Not a super down, depressed, everything going wrong week, not at all. But a so-so week. I have been a little overwhelmed with my commitments, but mostly feeling disconnected and just a bit lost amongst my priorities. Self-doubt has been visiting and she most definitely overstayed her welcome. I have had a few extra things on my mind of late, a bit of an increased work load, and feel like my three-year-old has needed a little more time and compassion due to a change in his routine and family visiting. When you start adding extra things to an already (usually blissful) full plate, you can let little, but hugely important things fall to the way side. Things like ‘me time’ and self-care for example. When you aren’t taking that time to replenish your own body, heart and soul, overwhelm can quickly set in.
Ultimately, I haven’t been practising what I preach: what I believe in and stand for.
And I am not really okay with that…
I knew this was coming. I could feel the overwhelm and unease within myself building. I could feel myself disconnecting more and more as the week rolled on. With myself, my friends, my inspirations and my beautiful followers on social media. I know within myself, that these feelings typically occur when I am not living in alignment with my values, when I am not living in alignment with the woman I want to be. Self-care is very important to me, as it should be to every woman. Components including nutrition, movement, connection, spiritual practice and stillness,
all come into play here. Because I am such a huge advocate for self-care and wellness, when I am not implementing the things I often recommend and in fact of course NEED myself, I basically feel like a fraud, for lack of better word. When I am not putting self-care first, my energy wanes.
I should have been spending time over the last week on my personal and business development. I had it scheduled in! But the more I pushed and pushed and pushed, the more I resisted and withdrew. The few things I did do, were half arsed and not heart-centered. They were coming from a place of force, not love. I should have recognised that I needed to stop and breathe and reset, but I didn’t. Nothing huge or significant had taken place, so why was I feeling so rattled in my life? I started to beat myself up for not doing what I ‘should’ have done, when I ‘should’ have done it, and then started to think, why bother at all? I couldn’t empower other women, when I wasn’t
feeling empowered. I couldn’t share my love and support with others, when I wasn’t giving it to myself. I couldn’t give out beautiful inspiration or energy, because I had none to give.
What I have described my friends, is an energy shift. Before we can soar to something great or beautiful, we tend to experience nothing less than chaos and confusion. In order to see that and allow ourselves to up level or transform, we must listen to our bodies and hearts, and simply surrender. Instead of seeing that, and being kind and gentle to myself, I just kept pushing. My soul (and body!) was looking for space. Space to rest, renew, recalibrate. Instead of surrendering to that, I withdrew and stripped myself from the very things that could have seen me support and nurture my way through this shift – connection and self-care!
Last night I really dug deep after the skype call with my friend and just sat with myself and my thoughts. I gave myself permission to just let things be. To surrender. To be kind to myself, regardless of whether I was doing all the other things I ‘should’ have been doing. And then, ahhhhhh, relief! I answered my own question, with a smile on my face, instead of a lump in my throat like the night before. Why can’t I just be content with going to work and being a Mum? Because I have so much more to give, that in turn lights me up! I can be a great employee and Mum, and a great wife, mentor, friend, coach, entrepreneur and inspiration. Some weeks I just may not be able to do them all at once or with as much passion and commitment as other weeks. And that is okay!
Now, I don’t know what this recent energy shift means for me yet, but I do know that it’s going to be beautiful and great, and I’m going to soar! And I know you’re nodding. You’ve been here at some stage too… Surrender. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Do not compromise on self-care or resist connection. Hang in there and ride out that energy shift so you can soar too beautiful!