Feeling Like A Fraud? Here Are 3 Ways To Change Your Outlook
I opened my inbox earlier in the week and found an email glaring at me. The subject said, ‘You’re a fraud and you know it!’. Talk about trigger! Before I even opened it, I thought, who is this person, what are they talking about, and why are they saying this? I quickly realised that it wasn’t a personal email, but a mail out from a wonderful coach I subscribe too. But still, I had been triggered, and I know exactly why. I am a fraud, and no doubt you are (or have at least felt like you are at some stage) in regard to something important to you too.
You know the feeling. You set out to do something, be someone, or advocate for something and don’t feel like you can do it good enough to be a fully-fledged ‘whatever it is you are trying to do/be’. You know there is someone out there with more experience, or popularity, or commitment or even training, so how could YOU be the real deal? Maybe you love writing and were asked to be featured in a local publication, but don’t feel good enough to be a real writer – so, you feel like a fraud! Or you have signed up as a rep for a makeup company, but still really like wearing your ‘other brand’ mascara – so, you feel like a fraud! Or how about when you bump into someone that you haven’t seen for a while and they tell you that you look amazing, but you know that you just ate donuts for breakfast so you couldn’t possibly accept a compliment like that – so, you feel like a fraud. You’ve been there before, right?
That voice that screams ‘FRAUD!’ is really just fear. It rears its head as resistance, or self-doubt, but at the end of the day it is just fear, gorgeous ones. The good news is that there are some simple things you can do to work through those feelings, and start giving yourself the credit you deserve.
1. Change your story
I talk about this a lot, I know, but it is because our stories are powerful! Our brain listens to every word we tell ourselves so the more we reiterate that we aren’t good enough the more we will believe it. Likewise, the more you tell yourself that you are oh so worthy and amazing, the more your brain will listen and convert those stories to confidence.
2. Live in alignment with your vision
Live as though you are already the person you want to be. You want to be a writer? Write often! You want to be a teenage mentor? Lead by example. The more you take action and align yourself with your goals and values, the less fearful (and therefore fraudulent!) you will feel.
3. Be kind to yo’ damn self
That last step sometimes won’t go exactly the way you want it too, and that is totally okay! Just because you skip gym when you have a bad day, doesn’t mean you are no longer committed to your health. Just because you only just graduated from your business degree and everyone else in your office has been there for 5+ years, doesn’t mean that you are less capable of delivering amazing results in your team. Some days we feel like we are doing everything we ‘should’, and some days we feel like ‘shit, what am I doing?’ and those days are the ones where we can be quite hasty to ourselves. No, you are not a fraud – you are human, so be kind to yourself gorgeous!
The more you change your stories, live in alignment with your vision and simply be kind to yourself, the more you will grow your confidence and own your actions with conviction. Sure, you may not be ‘perfect’, but you are certainly not a fraud, you are amazing!